I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
