So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
