yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
