What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
