I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
