real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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