Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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