The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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