saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
