I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
