My balls are so social today.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
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he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
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I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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