He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
