I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
