Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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