Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
