Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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