i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
