sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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