I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
