i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
