I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
