so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
