No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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