they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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