whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill