Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!