You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
