I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
What a dumb baby whore.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
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There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks