All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
