so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.