I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
