Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
