I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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