were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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