the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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