why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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