Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
