and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
