This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Couch. On fire.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
