Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
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and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
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Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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