after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I will be naked everywhere
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
