I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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