Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
