Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Randomize
