If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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