i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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