You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
