Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
