She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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