I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
