i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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