Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
