i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
