elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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