I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
