you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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