im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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