I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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