I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
