we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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