please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
