pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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