I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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