I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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