honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
