cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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