maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
