walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
