I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
