My friends, they love my intelligence
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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