so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
