Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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