Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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