he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
