ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
