Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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