my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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