Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Randomize
